Anywho. We were talking about WORDS and I asked a somewhat rhetorical question: If someone apologized in an incredibly wonderful surprising way...would that make the offense lesser somehow? (For me, I'm a word girl, so yeah. Prolly.)
To illustrate, I wrote the following apology. One that I must say, I would most assuredly accept and give XOXO for:
You know this already, but I'm a huge ass. I made an idiotic mistake. I'm sorry beyond all scope of sorrydom. No man has ever lived who comes close to being as sorry as me. I'd shave my head and move to Tibet, but I hear they don't have gmail, and I laughably still hold out hope that one day I'll find the words poetic enough to do justice to an apology just for you. For now, the best I can do is profess that you are undeniably the cream in my coffee, the leaves on my trees, and if I thought for one stale moment you might answer an email from this thrashing, big dope...my fingertips would be black with smoke from the burning speed of my typing.
And I can do even BETTER. No, really! But what was most fun was that the whole process made me giggle like a goon and I'm in the mood to pass the luff around. Soo...
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, write the gaudiest, boldest, sappiest, corniest, wordiest, smooshiest apology you dare. Post it here and I (along with Shannon who I nominate as a judge even though she's at work and can't have a say so but will agree just because she luffs me too) will pick our favorite.
Fabulousest apology giver wins this, a brand new book release from Alice Butcher and Ginny Farquhar.
This is such a cute book that features lots of little projects, both hand and machine sewn. Perfect for that upcoming gift-bonanza season! I've got a copy ready to mail out to the winner, which we'll pick on Sunday evening (extended a day!)
So go! Pull out your wordy brains & sharpen your wits! I wanna hear angst, soul, ridiculousness with purpose. You guys are such great writers, if I'm not cracking myself up chances are YOU are doing it for me.
Here's a hint...if you make it personal, not an apology FROM you but an apology you wish someone would make TO you, it's a lot easier (and more cathartic to boot. Giggles are funny that way.)
Comments are open and waiting!
What a hoot! That's a great apology! Here's my cheesiest and wordiest apology note:
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to say how sincerely and most deeply apologetic I am. What I did was irresponsible, hurtful, and horrendously inconsiderate. I am not worthy of your forgiveness, but I would do anything for you to give me another chance. I would climb the highest of mountains and swim the deepest of oceans to again have your smile light up my day like the warm rays of the sun. There is nothing in the world that can replace the tinkle of your voice, and I would wrestle the most ferocious of yetis and slay the fiercest of sea monsters to have you speak to me again. I beg your forgiveness. And I await your magnanimity with bated breath.
I remain, repentantly yours,
The buffoon of the millennium.
Hmmm...I always have to think about things like this. The words are flowing right now, but then again, I haven't had my coffee yet. It's time to wake up my brain so I'm going to grab my cup now.
ReplyDeleteSee, I said the words are flowing when I meant "aren't". Moving quickly now for that coffee.
ReplyDeleteBwhahaha!!! honey&daisy, that's a GREAT apology!
ReplyDeleteYou are right about history being made ... just wanted to clarify if you wanted a sticker. If so just email me your address: someofakind at gmail dot com
ReplyDeleteOh happy day!
Words cannot express the shame and sincere guilt I feel over being such a complete and utter dolt. What I did is unthinkable, disgraceful and unforgivable. And yet I believe in my heart of hearts that you, who can create masterpieces from trash and light up a room after a long day at work, could forgive the unforgivable if only I could give you reason. Here I am prostrate and submissive, humble and ready to bend to your every whim. Please tell me what I can do to gain your good graces once again. I would lick your car clean, make 1000 charity phone calls for you, carry you around in a baby bjorn so that your tender and lovelly feet never touch the ground again. I am a ball of penitence, regret, and remorse in complete distress over my most embarrassing act committed against you. Full to the top with compunction, I await your word and will not smile nor truly live again until I hear your answer, be it forgiveness or a firm and final goodbye.
ReplyDelete-The perpetrator of the act that shall go unnamed
Jenna...WOW. Good one! :D
ReplyDeleteAngie,
ReplyDeleteMy Simplicity 2858 has gone in the trash. I did a very poor job of cutting it out and the pattern on the fabric was lining up very badly. I might try again with a different fabric. May give me an excuse to buy more fabric. Not that I need it... Anyway, I hope yours fairs better then mine!
Amanda
Ok, so here's mine. It's not funny as much as it's sappy. It's from a guy that's writing to his ex girlfriend apologizing for being......well......a big jerk!
ReplyDeleteSo here goes...
I know I’m the last person you’d ever want to hear from; but I have to free my heart of this restless need I have to tell you that I’m sorry.
I know I said that once before, but back then I didn’t mean it. Why? Because I didn’t stop to think much about what those words really meant….for both you and I. I hurt you; I know that now….and I can apologize until my dying day and that won’t be enough to repair the damage I’ve done. If only I could go back…. If only I could…..
You gave me nothing but love, loyalty, and respect. And I in return gave you tears, worry, and heartbreak, I’m so sorry. I think back and I still can’t believe I did those things, and lost a gem of a woman! And for what? For nothing. I was looking for something in all those other people, yet I’d failed to see I’d had what I was looking for all along……in you! What was I thinking?
I know I said last time that I did not act with malice……..but the fact that you were hurt was malicious in itself. I was so immature, thinking that the more girls I had the more of a man I was……….when the reality is the complete opposite. I wasn’t much of a man when I brought you tears instead of smiles. I wasn’t much of a man, when I ignored you, deceived you, and pretended not to care about you. I wasn’t much of a man, when you confronted me, because I didn’t admit to my wrongdoings. Instead, I acted like a chicken by getting mad and making it your fault. I wasn’t acting like a man at all. Because I wasn’t a man, I was a little boy pretending to be grown. I’m sorry.
But worst of all, I lost you…….forever. And I can’t get you back. Things are different for me now; I’m ready for what you were so willing to give me back then…….your precious love. I wish today that I had your love. I feel so empty, because you were “the one” and you’re not here. I’ve tried to find a love like yours in other people…..and I can’t, and it’s killing me.
And so, I can only pray that someday you come back to me if you so choose. If that day never comes, then I hope that at least you’re able to forgive me. The most I can ask for is that you please forgive me. It’ll give me peace of mind to know that you don’t hate me; even if I hate myself for hurting you. I love you, I love you, I really do love you. And what I’m most sorry for is that these words have come so late. I’m so sorry.
I’ll love you always.
Angie! You're right..how funny! I just sincerely apologized to my blog readers for sending them hither and yonder just to read my blog...but, since I already used that apology publicly, I'll make another one now. Just for the chance to win this great book!
ReplyDeleteHere goes....
If you think I'm at fault, you're wrong. If you think I wish I could take it back, you're wrong. If you think I'm wrong and you are right, you're wrong. If you think I've mulled this over in my mind a thousand times, you're wrong. I haven't given the matter another thought. I said what I said and I meant it. If you think I think I'm always right, you're right. If you think I'll never change and always want to get the last word in, you're right. If you think you should just walk away and say "I'm sorry", even though you think you are right and that I am wrong, you are right. I'm just sorry that it's taken you all these years to realize this important point. I am always right and you are occasionally right, but usually wrong.
Heidi:
ReplyDeleteLOL, that's hilarious!!! I can really see someone saying something like that. hahaha, I love it. :):):):):)
I know that mere words are in no way sufficient to obtain your forgiveness, but I need at least to try.
ReplyDeletePlease forgive me.
I do love you and I do appreciate all your wonderful qualities. You are a great mom, my best friend, an inventive cook, passionate (however infrequent) lover and a brilliant mind. You are enviably talented and a hard worker like no other.
What? No, I wasn't criticizing the frequency of our couplings. I really wasn't. It is only because you are so inspiring that I cannot help wanting you always. In all ways. Often.
I promise in future to get up with the baby, give you unlimited footrubs, remember your birthday and clean the bathroom. I will never again give you the silent treatment, act petty or pay more attention to the TV than the kids.
Whatever you want to cook is fine, in fact, let's go out for dinner more. I'll call the sitter right now, shall I? You just have a rest while I make the arrangements. Put your feet up, or better yet, check out your favourites on Ebay while I take care of everything.
I'm sorry.
From your loving and faithful husband.
Just a little something I wouldn't mind hearing right now.
MPR
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ReplyDeleteOk, I just thought of a really funny one. I know I submitted mine already, but this one's just for your entertainment. It gave me a heck of a laugh, I hope you're amused also. :)
ReplyDeleteWe’re truly sorry about our behavior at the party:
We’re sorry we ate your son’s cake before you had a chance to sing him happy birthday.
We’re sorry about the piñata…we didn’t think it was going to fall. We’re sorry we tore it apart and ran off with the candy.
We’re sorry that we ran around the house like animals…..tearing your new curtains, and knocking over your great grandmother’s urn. We’re also sorry that the ashes we’re used as kitty litter shortly after.
We’re sorry we snuck around and took people’s purses and hid them under your bed. We were only joking……..we never thought they’d call the cops!!!!
We’re sorry we don’t have money to pay bail……we’re sorry you have to spend the weekend inside until your husband comes back from his trip on Monday.
Again, we apologize for our behavior and hope that we get invited to your next party.
Sincerely yours,
Your dog and cat.