Wednesday, November 05, 2008

proportion.

Do you ever think about your heart in terms of how full it can get? Or how empty? There have been times when I thought my heart would overflow...like when I look upon this face...


or this one...


or when I watch a sunset like this...


or gaze up at a star filled night...


And then sometimes I wonder if my ticker is defective.


But it cares so much for people, people like:

Debbie, and her wonderful relationship with her boys, her adorable dogs, her yummy producing breadmaker.

Sherrill and her teacher stories that I can so relate to, her twin sister stories, her quest for the perfect pants.

Dawn, and her adorable, enviable relationship with her husband.

Shannon, her gorgeous retro wardrobe, and her scifi geeky ways (a kindred spirit!)

Amanda, her perfectly finished clothes and beautiful smile.

Heidi, her amazing creativity and her generous spirit.

The Lexinator, and how her mama always has a story of how she pee'd on the counter, or in a puddle in the kitchen.

And my other Shannon, and how she shares the princess, and the unfailing friendship & support she always gives freely.

But sometimes, sometimes. Sometimes a little empty spot opens up, and it gives me pause. And I wonder...do I care so much because my heart is not part of a matched set (thus otherwise uninvolved)?

Maybe I'm not normal. But then, maybe normal is overrated.

Not gonna lie. People disappoint me now and again. But I try to keep it all in perspective, and know that not everyone is going to care in quite the same fashion. Not everyone has time, or you know, maybe not everyone has room left. Maybe their ticker has a No Vacancy sign out.


And sometimes. Sometimes you wait five years for something, and when you get it...it isn't what you thought it would be at all. And then five weeks later you're here.

And if you're me...you still leave the light on.


8 comments:

  1. Normal is overrated.

    I think we love so much and we give so much of ourselves, that it gets to a point where people stop appreciating that and take it for granted. And what's worse, they assume that we're just gonna continue to give and give and give. And that somehow they don't have to try, or they don't have to bother with giving of themselves in return. And that's just not the case. Love, and friendships and family relationships have to be a give and take. Otherwise, the giver just feels drained, and empty.

    I hope you feel better soon. If I were nearby I'd give you a big hug.

    Stay strong,
    Lory

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  2. I hope you realize that there is no "normal". All of us are just trying to get through the day/week/month/year the best way that we know how. Some of us are on the edge of chaos and other people don't know it. Figure out what you need to do for you and do it. Doooooooo iiiiit. (I'm channeling Saturday Night Live for you.)

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  3. I hear you loud and clear - there are joyful days and angst ridden days. There are times when you can bring down and other days when I'm sure that the human species is a scourge on the world. There are the days that my students say thank you and other days when they take me for granted. There are days my husband brings me flowers and other days he can't seem to remember where the hamper is located. There are days when the person in front of me holds the door and other days when the bonehead in the car to the left of me cuts me off. On the really nasty days, I wallow in self pity for a while and then I move on and try to find some small measure of wonder - really what else can I do?

    You are a good, kind-hearted, uproariously funny, talented, nurturing soul and every life that you touch is better for it. So, thank you for being a part of my life.

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  4. You are pretty wonderful yourself, if you hadn't noticed. You're amazing sense of humor, and huge graphic design talent (no other blog on the www is nearly as gorgeous!), not to mention that those kids pictured look pretty happy to me, so you must be a loving mother,too. Like the other wise ladies said, "normal" doesn't exist, you make decisions that work for you, and do the best you can for that day. Sadly, there will always be people that make us feel small, but you have to remember, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your own consent." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

    We all love you and are sending you positive vibes, smiles, hugs, and pats on the back for being the jemima bean we look forward to seeing everytime we check your blog!

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  5. Angie - I don't really have anything to add. It has been said very well, by you as well as commenters.

    There truly is no normal. I hope you feel better soon - that what/who you're leaving the light on for gives an answer.

    I feel blessed to have met you via the internet. Some of my 'virtual' friends are some of my best friends. Who else would chase Stella around to get a photo - just for me? Be good to you, you are the only one who truly can. The rest of us will do our best. g

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  6. Angie, I don't know what's going on, but I think you need a hug {{{{{HUG}}}}} You would feel better if you gave the negative energy up to the universe and keep happy thoughts and loving people close. Keep those poison people out of your life or they'll suck you under. Life is just too short to share it with them.

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  7. COMPLETELY understand!

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