Thursday, December 28, 2023

So Long, 2023

 Hey friends! I've been missing you. 

It's been six years (plus a couple months) since I last had a post. That's wild! And even before that, this poor little blog has sat empty for quite some time. 

So, let's catch up. 

I'm still teaching high school (mostly graphic design, with some yearbook and marketing thrown in). This is my 20th year. When I started this blog, I had been teaching just over 2 years. TWO. I was just a baby. My babies were just babies. They are 26 and 29 now. How? 

I haven't sewn a stitch in YEARS. 

In 2015 I started a side gig on Etsy, making planner stickers. At first they were just download stickers to cut at home, but about a year into it I started printing, cutting and shipping. It's been a crazy ride. It also left zero time to do me things. I work from 8-4 and then I come home and work until 8 or 9 at night. Then on the weekends I work some more. 

It's weird how the money was never extra. As much comes in is how much is spent. Somehow. You make more, you need more. It's been a vicious cycle. Honestly, I wish I had left the whole shop download only and never moved into the physical product realm. It has sucked every bit of joy and wonder from my soul and left little time for anything else. 

In case you missed it, I'm tired. And I'm really yearning for something creative that "I" choose. Not a product to sell. Just something for fun. I used to wear patterned fabric people! I used to love color and shoes and I did my hair and wore makeup. I loved thrifting and flea marketing. 

I wear black and grey and camel and some occasional white and ivory. It's a neutral sea in my closet. 

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this subject, but I think it's obvious so I'll address it. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for years, and for a long time I suffered alone and ashamed. I finally talked to my doctor about it and I'm doing better now. Better but still struggling sometimes, which I think is normal. 

Part of my departure from blogging and sewing (and blogging about sewing) has been tied up in that depression and anxiety and shame. I gained a considerable amount of weight over the past 18 years. I think my fear of being "seen" like this has prevented me from doing something I really loved. 

I'm not saying I'm jumping back into the fray and you'll get to see the older and fatter me right away, but I'm hoping to move in that direction. 

I lost my dad this year and it's been really hard on my family. 

I lost my uterus and ovaries and good riddance to those. 

I've gained an appreciation for quiet and peace and leaving behind the things that aren't worth worrying about. (That may be a 50's thing). 

Anyway. If you made it this far, hello! How have you been? I've missed you, friend. 

I'm excited about 2024. 

Bring it on.